This is something that i thought i might share from my journal.

December 14,2009

Last night I had the most interesting conversation with my boyfriend. He told me things that even made me ask why? He told me how he is the one that has to hold his family down and solve all the problems in his family. But why him ? he hasn’t even became a man yet. He is still in training; learning how to be a man and support the family. I’m glad I don’t have to take up that type of responsibility. Although I don’t like to be dependent on others I am… I haven’t had a real job since I been alive.. that’s crazy to me, because then it makes it seem like I been spoiled all my life. I haven’t , I just haven’t been taught all the things that I need to know to be fully independent. I love my mom and im grateful for her, but because she has sheltered me so much, I have become sneaky, more curious and anxious to do things that she wouldn’t let me do. When I come out that sheltered little home I become street navie. Meaning that I don’t know when game is being used. I don’t wat certain phrases mean. I don’t know what to do if I get caught stealing. I don’t know what makes my reputation look bad and who to hang around and people I should stay away from. I have discovered that I am the way I am because I have been sheltered. I am sneaky because I have been sheltered and because I do it so much, I’ve adapted to it. When I am being sneaky I don’t see it because it has become apart of my identity; Just like me being misleading. I like to tease dudes because I like the attention even though I don’t want them I tease them because I like the attention and when I let them know that I don’t want them it makes them want me even more. It makes them try harder to get at me because I don’t give that complete Nooooo I just give that “No he he he I don’t like you”, with a smile on my face. I still flirt which makes them think that they can possibly make me change my mind… But I mainly do it for the attention , it makes me feel like I have power over men instead of them having power over me. I can make them do what I want them to do. And guys are willing to do what ever is needed to get you, or shall I say what ever is needed to get in your pants.