My world

What would the world be without out you or me
what would the world be if i lived so freely
what would the world be if i had no bounds
what would the world be if i had no ups and downs

What would the world be to me,.... it be peace without insanity.

It would be something to look forward to everyday
something i would cherish and have no dismay
I would claim this world as my own
there would be no bars, no shingles that could hold a single bone
there would be no broken hearts, no women or men to shape and mold
because life is to grand and rich to have a cold hand to hold

Instead, I give life that hand to hold, let it teach me the dangers of love,
how to live with integrity and laugh at my flaws that I have yet to overcome.

In my world I..
live it
learn from it
laugh at it and overcome it.
There's much more that can be done but i still have time, i'm still young.

3 Month Victory

I’ve made it. It feels so good to be able to say no and have no desire for it. You may be asking what is “IT!” Well “IT” is sex. No has become the new YES for me. This has been one of the biggest accomplishments this summer. I finally have control once again. Now the task is not fully completed. I must be able to stay in control until I am married and willing to give my gift to the well deserved man that has made a vow to me. Only then will the task be complete.

Time Is Running Short

As I sit and reminisce all the fun I had freshman year, I count down how many days I have left to continue my education at Spelman College. I’m trying to continue to have faith and pray to the lord. Reality is over powering my faith. I started losing myself . Just totally giving up and throwing in the towel but that’s not me. That’s not J’nae. I never give up. I mean why give up now when he’s gotten me this far in life. Im to busy trying to see my debt cleared instead of believing it. The word says you must truly believe first. Then it will happen in the flesh. Seek by faith and not by sight. I want to thank all my friends that have prayed for me and your effort in trying to help me return back to school. I miss you guys soooo much.

You don't love me

You love me .. you love me not … you love me … you love me not
You say you love me but you don’t.
How many times are you going to say I love you in vein.
How many times do you want to feel the pain. The pain from an angry heart
The pain that leaves you feeling like a million darts,….. stabbing you ….repeatedly from the words that I’ve expressed to you.. From words that are cold and heartless but yet true.

How can you say you love me and not know why you love me.
Stop telling me you love me just because you want to make up for what you did in the past.
Stop telling me love me because you have strong feelings for me but yet you couldn’t tell me what my favorite color is.
I’m tired of hearing the words I love you said to me in vein. It means nothing if it’s not truly coming from the heart.

Love has taught me a great deal in life. Depicting true love from just the word was just the beginning.

Where I stand as a Spelmanite ,Fall 2010

So ive decided that this year is going to be my year of change. Last year I was more on chill mode and just exploring my options,taking notes for future references.
After analyzing what each organization or club does, i have made the decision that im going to join pulse, do a lot of volunteering & peer helping with teenage girls and mainly just making my self known around campus( aka Networking. I want to be an active member of a church, sing in the choir, go to bible study, fast, pray ect., My goal of getting a 4.0 each semester remains the same and is my top priority along with getting scholarships and internship for the summer.


I also have made a list of the things that I am restricting myself from:

1. Sex
2. partying all the time
3. Drinking
4. texting while trying do constructive things
5. Making a lot of social visit/ fun time
6. Sleeping all day
7. Relationships

What a great day =)

Omg I can’t belive I’m blogging .. hehehe hahahaha…YES
It’s been a long time since I expressed myself. It seems like, ever since I got this new part time job I’ve cut the internet out of my everyday life. I only get on facebook maybe twice a week. I haven’t made a tweet or a blog and this pass Sunday was my first time going back in about a month. After that Sunday I realized that my whole social life has went down the drain. I haven’t gone out to the club in about 2 weeks. =/. But that’s not the important thing, the important thing is that I’m blogging again…

Hip Hip Hurrayyyyyyy for J’Nae =).
I like when I do little small things such as blogging that make my day.

Word of the day

subtilize \SUHT-l-ahyz\ , verb;
1.
To make (the mind, senses, etc.) keen or discerning.
2.
To elevate in character.
3.
To make thin, rare, or more fluid or volatile; refine.

"Shoot out "

Wooow..... So im sitting in the dark jamming to my music and my mom creeps up on me talking about some movie that I didn't care about. Then she starts locking up the house and noticed that there were two cop cars sitting out side. Well of course, my mother and I had to be nosey. We go over to the neighbors house to see what all the commotion was about. Find out one of our neighbors was about to pull a gun out on some one in the neighborhood. I had no clue that the people in our little neighborhood had fire arms ready to lock, load, aim and shoot lol.

Does complexion really matter?

I just touched back down in Minnesnowsta from the Chi. What an experience man. I gotta say Chicago hasn't changed since the last time I visited. I call that city the land of ignorance. lol BUT!!! That's not the topic of today's discussion. Today I want to talk about skin complexion. Now, when I was younger I always use to get teased about my skin color. The dudes at my high school use to say "man why you gotta be so dark". Meaning they would date me if my skin complexion wasn't so dark. I never understood their perception of girls that were just a shade darker than their own complexion. I stopped trying to understand and just moved on. Then not to long ago, this same issue came up again when my friend who was looking at my picture on Facebook. This is how the conversation went between her and a middle school friend of mine.

Friend: Awww jnae looks pretty in this picture.

Middle school friend: Yea jnae is pretty for a dark skin girl

Friend: No she's just pretty. It doesn't matter if she was dark or light

Middle school friend: yea i guess

Then when me and one of my close friends from the chi were having a text message conversation, he made a similar comment. He told me you know you are gorgeous for a dark skin girl. After he said that, I had to ask what he meant by that. Everybody made it seem like dark skin girls were just hideous. He replied most dark skin girls just got body and that's it. I was so shocked at his response. I wonder is this how most northern guys think about Dark skin females because I know guys down in south love them some dark skin girls. You would think people were over what color complexion makes you look pretty.


Does complexion really play a huge part in your decision on which girl you want to date?

Does complexion really matter?

I just touched back down in Minnesnowsta from the Chi. What an experience man. I gotta say Chicago hasn't changed since the last time I visited. I call that city the land of ignorance. lol BUT!!! That's not the topic of today's discussion. Today I want to talk about skin complexion. Now, when I was younger I always use to get teased about my skin color. The dudes at my high school use to say "man why you gotta be so dark". Meaning they would date me if my skin complexion wasn't so dark. I never understood their perception of girls that were just a shade darker than their own complexion. I stopped trying to understand and just moved on. Then not to long ago, this same issue came up again when my friend who was looking at my picture on Facebook. This is how the conversation went between her and a middle school friend of mine.

Friend: Awww jnae looks pretty in this picture.

Middle school friend: Yea jnae is pretty for a dark skin girl

Friend: No she's just pretty. It doesn't matter if she was dark or light

Middle school friend: yea i guess

Then when me and one of my close friends from the chi were having a text message conversation, he made a similar comment. He told me you know you are gorgeous for a dark skin girl. After he said that, I had to ask what he meant by that. Everybody made it seem like dark skin girls were just hideous. He replied most dark skin girls just got body and that's it. I was so shocked at his response. I wonder is this how most northern guys think about Dark skin females because I know guys down in south love them some dark skin girls. You would think people were over what color complexion makes you look pretty.


Does complexion really play a huge part in your decision on which girl you want to date?

The Trey songz incident

So I was talking on the phone to my little brother and he told me that Trey Songz kissed a 15 year old girl at his concert. I know that kissing him is every woman's dream. I was in shock when my brother told me this lurid information. He said it was all over the radio in Chicago. I just hope that the mom doesn't press charges against him, you know black people and money equals greed.



By the way this happened about three months ago.

Word of the day

So, for weeks I been thinking of ways I could widen my vocabulary. Of course I can read. Then I thought about how I can incorporate my blog into widen my vocabulary too. So I came up with this, im going to pick a word everyday that I don't know and blog about it . Then all the blogs that I right for that day I have to somehow incorporate that word into that blog. I figured if I use the word more it would reduce my chances of forgetting the word and it's meaning.



So today's word is Lurid.

Lurid:gruesome; horrible; revolting: the lurid details of an accident.
2.
glaringly vivid or sensational; shocking: the lurid tales of pulp magazines.
3.
terrible in intensity, fierce passion, or unrestraint: lurid crimes.
4.
lighted or shining with an unnatural, fiery glow; wildly or garishly red: a lurid sunset.

This word would explain the pain I felt 2 days ago after I worked out. The work out that I did was so lurid, that even after I stretched out I was still in pain. It was worth it. It helped me maintain my pulchritudinous figure.

Time lost with the family

Wow I can't believe that im not going to Chicago for our family reunion. This will be the first family reunion that my mom, uncle and me are going to miss. I haven't seen any of my family members or my dad since last summer and probably wont' see them for a while due to school. My mom's indecisive decision lead us to this disastrous conclusion. As I sit here mad at the situation, my home girl calls me and offers me a better proposition. She asked me if I wanted to go to Club New York, which is suppose to be poppin on firdays. Without hesitation, I gladly excepted. I figured going out will occupy my time but it won't replace the time that I lost with my family . Hopefully I can still have a good fourth of July weekend.=/

What a day

I swear every day it's something new for me. First my mom had the nerve to kick me out the house. She told me when she leave the house in the morning I need to be out her house till 5 p.m looking for a job. I was like yeah what ever. I was just talking though because I got my butt got up and out that house. If didn't know now, well now you know, my mom is crazy. Scratch that she is psycho.lol
Upon my return home from my job search i ask her to pick me up and she had the nerve to say "no get yo butt on the bus". I must have hung up the phone so quick. I was so mad. One it was pouring down raining,I had on some open toed shoes and a dress on and last but not least I had to take the bus. Smh So when I get home,a piece of mail stated that I was eligible to work for their company. I shouted with joy. They were paying $16 an hour and all you had to do is call and schedule an interview. Now this offer did sound a little to good to be true. So I decided to look up the company, because my bestie told me she got the same letter. So i Google Vector (the company) and the results said if you have received any information about a job offer from Vector it is a SCAM!!!. All I could say is what a day what a day.. lol

I think im bout to be living in Atl..

As me and my mom discuss plans for next year she says," we goin put you in an apartment because me nor your dad can afford that tuition". Im glad she said it because I couldn't agree with her more. Now the problem is figuring out how im going to sustain a nice hair due without sweating it out every minute I stand in that Altanta heat. LOL But really I'm more worried about how I'm going to keep up with the rent, since I haven't to find a job yet.....???????? Welp gotta get back on my grind with job hunting starting tomorrow.

Random ransom

uuuugggggghhhhh i can't go to slleeeeepppppp .. I don't know what's troubling my mind,but i wish it would stop....
My nights have turned into my days and my days into nights... This is not healthy for me. Somebody HHeeeeelllllpp mmmmeeee lol


Well Night... =)

Why do we say Amen ? What does it mean?

I never thought I would question my religion, but for some reason today I did. As me and my mother was sitting at the table about to eat, i told her to pray. Then when we were done; the question popped up why do we always say amen when we finish our prayer? What does Amen mean? So I took the time to Google search and find more information. It is said that “Amen” is a Hebrew word that stems from the word aman, which means “to be faithful, support, or confirm.” The word “amen” actually means, “so be it,” or “truly.” It is an affirmation of the dedication to God through Jesus Christ. To me words mean nothing. Just because you say amen doesn't really mean your dedicated to god. The actions that you portray on earth speaks louder than the simple word amen. We only say Amen because that's what we are taught to say. But no one has ever bothered to think about why we actually say Amen.

What is your take on this topic?

Slick move mom

So my mom went to the store to buy a baby monitor for my grandpa, so she can hear when he gets up at night. So she call her self being slick by placing the receiving monitor under my bed while i was on my computer in the living room. So, as i laid my sweet little head down to sleep and i start to hear movement as if someone was in my room. I looked around the room in terror. It made me think of all scary movies I every watched and all the possibilities that could have happened to me..lol smh Some how i over came that fear, because the next thing I is my mom talking through a speaker like object. As she kept talking it made it easy for me to find out what little slick trick she did. Her lil slick butt planted the receiver monitor under my bed.. NICE MOVE MOM..



ya gotta love em

Respect, Love, and Trust

After reading Tiary's blog, I found most of them to be self relating. The blog that I really enjoyed, was the blog titled The Essence of Love. She primarily talked about how she wants to try to respect, love and trust herself before she allows her self to do the same to a significant other. I think every girl at some point wants to accomplish these things before they begin a relationship. But the question is how many girls actually take the time to do this before a relationship? From what I have observed, experienced and have been told most females tend to realize that they need to respect, love and trust their self after they have been hurt, beat, cheated on, used only for sex or money, lied to consistently etc. If you respected, loved and trusted your self you wouldn’t let some one who told you they loved you treat you like you’re worth nothing. If you took the time to understand your self, then you would avoid situations that end in regret.
So a ladies love, respect, and trust your selves before trying to do the same for a man; it’s only lowering your self esteem.
Self esteem is the key to confidence and is also the key to helping you love, trust and respect yourself.

Jobless no more

So on Tuesday I received my first job as a paper carrier.. Man I swear I wish someone could have recored my reaction when I walked out the door and got in the car. My face was priceless. (Hey times is hard and i been waiting a long time for a job) I was cheesin soooooo hard you would have thought I was using some kind of narcotics..lol It was simple and easy. All that was required was my name, adress, social secruity number and the date. Im thinking in my mind that's it and THAT WAS IT. lol Just when i thought filling out 20 applications was sooo tedious, here comes this application that only asks for five things. Till this day all I can say is" It was only GOD, he always answers my prayers on time and has never failed me."

This is what he told me would happen if we ever....

Before I began to discuss what this young man wrote me, I gotta give him his props because this story just open your eyes up to a world of fantasy. I swear this story will have your eyes glued to the screen. Enjoy!

well first id turn off the lights!!! and light a candle, get the slowjams runnin of course have to approach ya on the bed...we both already know whats good snuggle up to ya start kissin on ya neck slowly but purposefully then look deep into your eyes then make my way down toward your chest, purposefully avoiding your breasts straight down stopping for a second right above your belly button only to continue twoards your panty line and reverse kissing you all the way back up your body to your lips where we kiss for a moment that feels like forever. we stop. I look at you as if ive wanted you forever. you look back as if you dont know whats going to happen next.and I say be right back i have a surprise for you...blindfold you for a minute and return 5 mins later. your still on the bed eagerly waiting for my return. i say im back...i continue to caress you as if i never left. you begin to take off the blindfold i tell you no the surprise isnt over yet.you begin to feel something cold as i take vanilla icecream and carefully spread it on your breasts that react by becoming harder than i am. to make matters worse and to completely throw you off i take the caramel and pour some on my finger and put it in your mouth. You love how sweet it is and cant wait till its your turn to do the teasing. I begin to lick the icecream off your breasts as if i was a 5yr old eating his first cone. Realizing how much this is turning you on i take my time with it. As you realize that the cold sensation is gone you say are you done? i reply not even close.already knowing what this means. you wonder how it would feel to be eaten with icecream not knowing that im looking forward to this more than you are. i apply both the icecream and the caramel to you right above your vagina knowing it will begin to melt and drip down. You quiver from the temperature, i sit back an observe the meal im about to have, watching as the sweet caramel mixes with the sweet juices already secreting from you. i planned to take my time with this but i just couldnt help myself it looked sooo good! so i dive in to the moisture like i used to during lifegaurd training facefirst ready for a good time. you begin to moan wildy because youve never been eaten like this before. as i lick up the last drop upset that its all done. i say to you your turn.knowing you want to do the same your mind says grab the icecream and caramel, your hormones say fuck that and fuck him. stuck in between the two you grab both the caramel and my penis simultaneously. Not caring about anything getting messed up you begin to ooze caramel all over my chest abs down towards my penis. Not in a straight line, no in the most confusing intricate path of all time. Why? because you plan to follow and lick up every drop of caramel that was drizzled. you begin to lick it all up, every last bit following the trail until you reach the tip of my penis. You contemplate whether you should stay here or not. Im so ready to be inside you that i dont let you come to a decision. I grab you from on top of me and reverse positions before you know whats happened.Stunned and confused because youve never seen this side of me you look up at me like who are you. Determined and ready i look down at you with a smirk because i know the party is just beginning. I grab a magnum from out of my jeans thinking it has never been a such a good sight before now. I strap it on and force myself in b4 you were ready which puts a blank look on your face. You begin to brace yourself for the roughest sex youve ever had. I on the other hand have other intentions...for now.Satisfied that i finally know what its like to be one with you, i know that i can actually go crazy on you. so as i search for another condom you begin to leave the room. i strap on the next one an catch your arm right as you get to the door. You thought we were done and wanted to clean up i knew it was only round one n wanted to switch it up.so i pick you up and carry you back to the bed. no longer on my romantic flow instead of placing you on the bed i throw you on the bed. you land facedown and lookback like damn theres more? you no longer have any doubts about my imagination and are willing to comply. You ask in your cute/sexy voice what do you want me to do?i reply...i want it from the back, NOW. realizing that this will no longer be like the loving you had just a few minutes ago, you brace yourself, rightfully so this time. I begin slowly picking up pace as i go along. At first youre just enjoying it on all fours feeling your worries go away, but then you contribute to the stroke. Your thrust and mine moving simultaneously in tune with eachother making each thrust twice as intense...i feel as if im deeper in someone than ive ever been. you feel as if im tearing you apart, your moans grow louder but that just feuls my rage. i feel my body go in to overdrive and move my left hand to grab your hair for leverage my right hand loses control and grabs your lucious ass tighter than it was already holding it. we go at it hard and strong. sweat dripping all over our bodies. you look back at me seeing if fatigue had set in yet. but im determined to get as many thrusts in as possible. my will holds out for as long as i can, but after another few hrs i cant hold any longer. i cum inside of you once again and you cum once again long and hard. as i pull out liquids drip from you and me. i look deep into your eyes and ask are you satisfied? you reply more than satisfied and begin to kiss me. we kiss slowly and passionately having out sexual needs met we sensually kiss until you pass out in my arms from exhaustion. I kiss your forehead goodnight and have the best sleep of my life.

Hollywood's on my mind

So I went to go see "killers" today and it turned out to be a pretty good movie. Not as funny as this white lady made it seem like but it was okay. Now when I see movies that i think could have been performed a little better,I always say to myself I could have played that role better or made the movie better with my ad-lib. Then I think to myself what am i doing to get myself in the entertainment business? obviously nothing because I haven't been auditioning.When I was younger I use to be shy to talk in front of complete strangers but now that I have over came that fear I think I am ready. The thing that really boosted my confidence was the reaction and responses from the audience when I played Tituba a Barbados slave in one of the plays my senior year. Right after the show all I heard was "wow you did a wonderful job", "where have you been hiding" "you played the voice so well I really thought you were from Barbados". Next thing you know all you heard come streaming out my mouth was "Watch out Hollywood here I come". Lowkey I even posted a sheet of paper on my wall saying that I was the next hottest actress and that's what i'm going to be.

You think ill make it ?

Is History going to repeat its self?

So after I read my friend tiff blog's about black power and how she looks at things differently now due to being in the AUC, I found myself doing the same thing. Since my mom didn't want to take me job hunting, I had to take the bus. After I sat down near the front, I noticed that all the black people sat in the back or in the seat right in front of the back door and the white people in the front. Now if I come correct Rosa Parks fought for blacks to sit in the front of the bus. It was her along with the other black people during the bus boycott that sacrificed their jobs just for equality. SO WHY THE HELL! are we still sitting in the back of the bus. I swear it seems like every thing that our ancestors fought for is being misused by our generation. That's just like young black men that are abusing and misusing their free education by trying to sell drugs, become part of a gang, or feel that they don't need school for their future career(such as a rapper). Sometimes i worry about what the future of our race is going to be like.

Never let your guard down

I went to friend of a friends 21 bday party... so you know of course every body was drinking since the bday girl was legally able to drink. As i was sitting at the table wit my home girl and the bday girl's grandpa. I already knew he had a few sips cuz this oooolldddd asss man had the nerve to ask me for my number while his wife was Standing 10 feet away. I was so shocked and couldn't believe my ears. I mean the man was just talking to us about not trusting anything that has a mind and here he is tryna get my number smh. He repeatedly just kept saying "you a million dollar baby. You aint got no kids, ya single and you beautiful". but besides the point that he was tryna holla at me, he had a good point about not trusting anything with mind of it's own.

Anything with a mind can manipulate you, try to control you,and ravage your thoughts. When the grandpa pulled that slick move trying to get my number, that showed me right there that you really can't even trust someone you love because the ones that are close to you know u, and understand the way you think. So they can manipulate you and make you think other wise. It's so weird because it kinda happened to me numerous times in relationships especially with my first.I had been talking to my first from 8th grade till maybe my junior year of high school. Now back then i was super young and dumb cuz my mom didn't let me go no where. Me and the street life of a kid were as far apart as cali is from florida. I was clueless. I was just feeding off of all his lies and it was like i already knew that he was cheating.I didn't care though because he told me one thing and i believed him but he was doing the total opposite of what he was telling me . Over the years i have progressed and kinda understand the make species more. I feel the more I hang around them the more i understand the ways they think, which can def. help me in the long run. Most guys are simple. So most think the same, act the same and want the same things. There very competitive. So if they see something they like they're going to go out their way to get it and make sure it's better . Main point is never let your guard down. When you let your guard down your letting a person find your weakness. Weakness = vulnerability

Travis Porter in the building ... oooohhh

Soooo today when I walked my grandpa for his daily walk, the song "Adidas" by Travis porter came on and it brought back sooooo many memories. Back then it was just Ed,Eddy and Jeff. Man oh man. I gotta give thanks to my ride or die nigga jeff for putting me on Travis porter tho. I swear im just super hooked on them now lol... thannnkkksss booo =* Im gonna miss freshman year so muuuuccchhhh!!!! Im ready to go back to the atl already and it's only june .. smh The college life got me hooked.

Searching for a job

So i have been looking for a job since i been up here. i guess luck doesn't run my way because i have yet to to hear from a job since i been here. I thought it was just me at first; until everybody i talked to said they are still trying to find a job too. Then i realized how bad our economy is still in a recession. I think that it's a shame that my mom has to pay me out of her pocket to watch my grandpa, just so i can have some money. I also feel so dependent because i have never actually had a real job and im 18 goin on 19. smh I don't know what i'm goin to do. I guess all i can do now is pray and hope that god will bless me with a good paying job, so i can go back to school next semester =/.

Old school VS New school

So the other day i was blasting my music while i was on the computer and as soon as my mom heard pussy, fuck or i wanna sex you up and lick you down she started trippin. Now mind you today's Hip Hop is the same as her little old school music she be listening to back in her day. The only difference is, that in today's music rappers and singers are just more blunt with it and real. I wanted to just treat her life; likeee mom if you don't get a grip, it aint even that serious. Cuz i know she would be singing some "ahhhhh iisssshhh puussshhh it pushhh it real good" by salt and pepper if that song came on. Which is talking about a man pushing his penis in her vagina. Sooo i think if she can listen to that mess, i should be able to listen to my music without her saying a word.. But I already know my mom will be her and she aint goin ever change.

Back when he was my boyfriend.....

This is how he became my boyfriend.

With a touch of lust on his finger tips
Giving an impulse to smoothness of my skin
Awakening me from the darkness that
Caused me to be naive. I feel alive.
I feel the vibe between us two.
Who would have thought that I would
Be with you. As you tilt my chin back and I gaze into your eyes. You kiss me.
As your lips touches mine, I embrace the feelings that you have for me. The feelings that I have yet to cherish because im not sure… not sure of what I might be getting my self into. So I pull away. U look at me with confusion because you misunderstand my actions.
But I have yet to tell something
I have yet to let you know………
That… I’m still with someone.
You feel guilty and dirty for the actions that you have taken.
U respect me and the relationship,
and say no offense but you mislead me
And I say no offense taken.

My love, My future, My boyfriend

As our bodies lie close together in the darkness.
I feel his breath on my neck, breathing in and out
In and out… He then kisses me softly on the neck with his elustrious lips.
The blood in my body rushing straight to my heart, my hormones rising, and my eyes
My eyes … are closed embracing each and every feeling.
He then looks me straight into my eyes and says “its so easy to tell some one you hate them but it’s so hard to tell some one u love them”.
Throughout the night filled with lust,
he kept resisting those three words
As we wake from a night that was filled with lust and resistance…..
Those unexpected words spewed from the lips that left me embracing each and every feeling
“I love U”
Is what he said
“I love you”
Is what

My love, My future, My boyfriend


Standing in this extensive line, impatiently waiting to swing my hips
And move my curves, nothing can explain the erg I have to dance tonight.
With my partner standing by my side, he too can’t wait to feel the curves of my body
Within the palms of his hands. As we get closer to the front, a man with a deep toned voice says “ya’ll need to have ya’ll state id not school id or u aint getting in”
The stare and the glare that we both seen in each others eyes, implied that we were up for a night of adventures.
Later that night We drove to target unfortunately it was closed
So he thought to break the ice we would just chill.
With each flash of the camera he seen this surprising glow in my eyes
His attraction to me became stronger
Once we conversed about our past and the things we had in common.
Our feelings towards each other were mutual.
Returning back to the car, we cuddled and talked about our struggles.
As soon as the conversation ended in silence
I thought to my self is this the man that has been sent from my wildest ….. dreams or
Is he truly my match maker.


You see this is here how I found my boyfriend, My future My love.
And with you there is no one that can replace you because you are so far above… love jeffery

Whats your definition of love

sooooo..... I was listening to my ipod and all these songs about love just kept popping up or the songs would talk about how good his loving is and how he wanna give her everything she wants. But WHAT IS LOVE? what does it mean when someone tells you that they love you? Is it only an emotion and that's it?
????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
I went on facebook to get some different opinions on love and here is what they said

* No one fully knows. But this is my take: when you are willing to sacrifice for someone. if u only "love" them when things are good than u aint neva love them to begin with. and Love dont die. So if u can "fall out of love" with someone than u aint love them to begin with either. When someones hapiness is just as important to you as you own...u love them

* chocolate

* love to me is when u know there flaws and still can accept them for who they are and also ur able to put there needs b4 your own. i dont think there is a true definition of love its just how u feel about it..


Now the first one i agree wit ..... Love doesn't die. When you love someone you love them no matter what, even when there with another man/woman. You may be jealous but you still love him/her. But mainly your just glad that their happy. If you fall out of love with that person you sure ass hell never loved them to begin with. But love love love i can't seem to come up wit a legit definition. I mean i have ideas but ideas are ideas. An idea can always proven wrong. As i meditate on the word love. I came up with my own definition of love.

*Love is when you get this deep feeling down inside that you can't explain. It's a feeling you've never felt before.

*Every time you see this girl/guy you always feel happy inside.

* If he/she makes you smile or up lifts your spirit when your goin though something or when your just down.

*When he/she puts there loved one before their self.

*If one can express how he/she feels about their loved one without saying " I love you"

* When your loved one defends you or stand by your side even though u may be wrong.

* When nobody or anything that someone does or says stands in between you and ur loved one.

* When ur flaws are no longer an issue to ur loved one.

* When he/she is willing to make changes in his/her life for their loved one.

* When you still have feelings for ur loved one even though your not together.

* When he/she is willing to do any and everything in there will for their loved one.

so with all these ideas put together i came up with: to have an unexplainable feeling about someone that may slightly fade at times but last for eternity;someone that enlightens you, encourages you, puts you before most things,whose down for you no matter what happens and that truly cares for you despite your flaws.

Where is the equality?

Wow when I heard that Walmart cut down the prices on a black Barbie doll and left the white Barbie doll at regular price i went nuts...The marketing business has became too greedy with trying to make money. When it comes to making a racial statement by lowering the price of black doll rather lowering the prices on both, this is when you you start to realize that history is about to repeat its selfs. They are really advertising the fact that white a doll is better than a black doll... Well that a white doll is worth more than a black doll making whites superior to blacks instead of advertising equality. All Walmart has to say is that it's just Wow what is our world coming to?

Tell me what you think

A divorce that may lead to suicide

So I was watching CNN today and a study that was conducted said that men are 4 times more likely to commit suicide than women after a divorce. When I first heard that statement I begged to differ because the emotions of a woman make them weaker than men. But then again, you have to think ... a women is not going kill her self and leave her kids to some adoption agency and the more kids that you have the less likely the women is to commit suicide. A women wants to be a role model to her kids and the kids need some one to look up to.Men on the other hand have to worry about child support and the government pressures men by threatening then with suspending their license and throwing them in jail. Men have more stress on their hands and tend to turn to drinking which is a depressant.

Share your opinion with me.

A New Start...

Wow so it's been forever since I have expressed myself to you. I've been through a lot for the past couple months. I lost myself. I lost self respect for myself. I prayed and prayed and prayed but still the answer I was looking for wasn't clear. So I asked god's forgiveness because I feel that what I did was wrong. I have experienced a lot my freshman year, SO MUCH... that I couldn't even handle it all at one time. There have been many times that I have wanted to write but I was way to stressed and my thoughts were in a scramble. Although we aren't close friends I wanna thank you for opening my eyes to what life is really like, and i can't say I regret what we went through but I wish you would have made better choices upon the way you went about us. But hey life goes on and all I can say now is you live and you learn... and now i'm trying get my life back on track by respecting my self and loving my self before I allow any man to

This experience has opened me to heart break hotel

"It could all be so simple

but you rather make it hard

loving you is like a battle

and we both end up with scars

tell me who i have to be

to get some reciprocity

see no one loves you more than me

and no one ever will

Is this just a silly game

That forces you to act this way

Forces you to scream my name

Then pretend that you can't stand

Tell me who i have to be

to get some reciprocity

see no one loves you more than me

and no one ever will

No matter how i think we grow

you always seem to let me know

it aint workin' it aint workin'

and when i try to walk away

you'd hurt yourself to make me stay

this is crazy.. this crazy

I keep letting you back in

How can i explain my self

As painful as this thing has been

I just can't be with no one else

See i know what we got to do

U let go and i'll let go too

cause no one's hurt me more than you

and no ever will....

No matter how i think we grow

you always seem to let me know

that it aint workin' .. it aint workin'

it aint workin'

And when i try to walk away

you'd hurt yourself to make me stay

this is crazy.. this is crazy

this is crazzyy.

Care for me care for i know you care for me

There for me there for me you said you'd be there for me

cry for me cry for you said you'd die for me

give to me give to me why won't you live for me.

............Where were you when i needed you... where were youuu...

How many tests have you failed in life?

So today I was looking up quotes to use for my face book status because I was stressed. I came across this quote which caught my eye. “The difference between school and life? In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.” This quote is so true. Your always going to make mistakes in life but those mistakes always teach you a lesson. You become wiser and a stronger person as a whole. Based upon experience I agree with this quote. I feel that I am tested by god every time I try to change. It’s like when I was fornicating, I would stop and try to live as holy as possible and then 3 months later a young man would come in my life and I would try to hold back and I would always fail. And each time I would fail something bad would go wrong in my life. Weather it was me thinking I was pregnant or me being cheated on by the guy I was with and feeling like a hoe afterwards because after all is done all he wanted was to smash. I find my self continuing to fail many test that I am given in life, but I am learning my lesson day by day with the help from my male friends how to improve my self. Thanks guys Muuuuahhhh…

Stop being the inferior

So because I have been sleep all day I’m always up in the morning. Smh For some reason I find myself to be more productive at night. But yesterday I felt so grown. I deposited a check on my own for the first time. Me being sheltered that doesn’t happen to often for me to do things on my own. I spent the rest of my afternoon with my love Jeff. We walked down west end exploring what it had to offer. We stopped by this African store that sold Kwanzaa things, African sculptures, books written by African Americans and the had this slave exhibit. The slave exhibit just really made me realize how much our race went through just to have the freedom we have today. The exhibit showed pictures of hangings, how slaves were crammed all on to the boat, slaves being tortured, slaves being burned alive and the even had an actual dummy hanging on a pole with his foot cut off, fingers chopped off and whip lashes on every inch on his body. One piece that really stood out to me was when I read an information post about the picture that was posted next to it. The picture showed a young boy being hanged and a whole bunch of white people standing around the tree people laughing. The information posted on the side said the young boy was retarded and was found guilty of killing a white women. They beat the boy, tortured him, hung him by a tree and burned him alive. I wanted to cry in the exhibit when I read that. There was also a sign that was on the wall said that “We as African Americans remain to be inferior due to our past of enslavement”. Our mentality remains inferior because we only let it. we can make a change tho. I think that African Americans should cherish and be grateful that we don’t have to go through what our ancestors had to go through. It was because of them that we are free today and we have equality in today’s society. As our new black president said “Change we can believe in”. So lets make that change and stop being the inferior in our society.

4.0 gpa should be the spelhouse goal for this semester

So today we have school and it’s like going on 3 in the morning. Im not sleepy and that’s not surprising to me because I have been sleep all day. These past two days I was suppose to be getting my sleeping habits back on track for school … Man I need to get it on it because this semester I aint playin no games. Its all about that 4.0 baby. With god being the head of my life I know that I can do all things. All the mistakes I made last semester will no longer exists this semester. I feel like a person that just got out of rehab, and I am willing to do any and everything to prevent my self from going back to my addictive mistakes and habits … time for something new. Like my babes said it’s war time … Students against teachers lets win this war spelhouse. Everybody needs to be on the same page. We all need to be striving for that 4.0. All we need is each other.

Lets be safe and wrap it up

Today, I some friends of my room mate and I came over and the subject of being pregnant arised. It all started when my roomie had her tv on TLC and it was talking about baby stories and then she tried to change the channel and every channel after that each program had something to do with having a baby, being pregnant or something that had something that dealt with a baby. Then we all got the talking about how we all thought at one point that we were pregnant and how this is a sign that we need to be careful and protect our selfs. Then they got the talking about how we should all go get tested together because of how sexually active they were over winter break and how me and my roomie got some after break … That whole conversation just tripped me out because we know that if we all took the test and the plus sign showed up… we would fall out and just go nuts.. one friend talking about how she would throw herself down the stairs. I just shook my head like it aint that serious. But to tell you the truth having a kid would hinder me from my future dreams but I believe that I would still be able to accomplish my goal of being an actress and emergency medical physician. With the help of my family and my man by my side and god being my guide anything is possible. I wouldn’t be ashamed of the fact that I am pregnant but consider it a blessing. Its not like I didn’t know what I was getting my self into when I did it. But ladies lets not be just having sex with any one because accidents can happen and the father of your child may not treat you right, be a one night stand etc. When you have sex make sure you are having sex with just one partner and not many and make sure he is the one that is worth you giving your goods to. Someone that is just not with you for the sex but for everything else that makes you who you are. So girls lets wrap it up because we don’t want any accidents and I thank god each and every night that Im not pregnant like all the rest of theses young females.

Ps. I wanna thank my boyfriend for always being there for me and supporting me through everything cuz I know he would be there for me if we were ever to encounter a situation such as this.

Fear Factor at home

Okay so over the winter break I experienced the most disgusting thing ever. I was eating a bowl of greens because I was on a fast. Right before I was about to eat it I was stirring it around and stuff cuz it was hot. I noticed this white thing in my greens that looked like a piece of fat. So I pulled it out and told my friend “aye don’t this look like a worm”,and im just holding it in my hand playing with it. I was about o nibble on it because I thought it was a piece of fat but I didn’t I thru it on the counter to show my friend and next thing you know he said it is a worm don’t you see the legs… I was like yea right and believe it or not it was a worm or some type of caterpillar but I know that sucker was huge. And yes I still ate the greens afterwards.. Call it what you want but I don’t waste food lol. But the thought that I was holding it and I was about to nibble on it, just amazed me because that mean I can eat anything if I just sike my mind out .. lol smh

I do not fit in the categorey of the spleman stereotype

Sadity- ( stuck up) the thought of being superior to others.

Wow, sadity? Really? Me? I don’t think so. I was hanging out with my girls the other day and my best friend Lauren came to pick me up at my house trying to get me out the house as usual cuz my mom always has me on lock. While we were at my house, I was singing this song about booty (I forgot what the song was ) and she started singing it too. Oh, okay I remember now, it was shawty got a$ by dream. But I was singing the chorus “ let me see yo booty” and she like yea girl that’s my song. I’m like no no no no no ( because she aint got no booty and she know it lol) and she like what.. I like that .. booty booty .. and I said yea cuz you aint got no booty lol. Then that’s when my friend just came out of no where and said dang jnae you sadity ass hell. Ever since you done went down to spelman you done became one of them spelman sadity hoes. I was like NO I AM NOT ! and throughout the rest of the night every time I talked about one of my friends she would call me sadity and ask the rest of friends wasn’t I acting sadity… I just shook my head because I didn’t pay no attention to her the rest the night when she called me sadity. I knew I wasn’t acting any different from before I even went to spelman. So I came to the conclusion that she was only saying this because she believed that every girl that go to spelman come back stuck up and thinking they better than everybody else because they go to the number 1 best HBCU in the U.S. So she sittin up here calling me sadity based upon a stereotype smh. It’s a shame that she would think of me like that. She should already know how I act because she my best friend. Well I guess she don’t . Im me and imma be me till the day I die which aint sadity maybe cocky but never sadity.